Scared

Oh me oh my. I have all my medical materials gathered, save for evidence of my G6PD Titer (I don't know what it is either). Actually it's a test given to you to determine if you can take anti malarials - which I don't plan on taking anyways. I'd rather deal with Malaria than with the god awful dreams I suffered with Larium. Ever hacked your family into bits or starred in your own personal horror flick? You will, if you take Larium!
Anyways that aside. The title of this post is "scared," with good reason. Once I photocopy all these materials and mail them to OMS, I will be in the final stage: placement. After sending them in, unless OMS needs further clarification on something, my next contact from PC will be my invitation. Once I receive the invitation, which will include my destination country, program assignment, departure date, and passport/visa materials, I have 10 days to make up my mind. I'm ready. I'm ready? My heart is racing and my mouth just dried up, simply thinking about it.

I am terrified.

Small Update

Alright, just a quickie. I finally heard back from Mr. Stand-In Doctor, who gave me some bad news. I have to get records from my pediatrician, who I'm pretty sure is retired, to prove my vaccination record. SO that's going to be a blast. I'm not even sure who has to fill out that paperwork. I'm also fasting today so that I can go get my bloodwork (Cholestorol, etc) done this afternoon, which is required. I also have to see a specialist, which will be incredibly annoying, but is required, *sigh* All this in addition to the fact that I've not made an appointment to see an eye doctor yet as I'm waiting for my vision insurance to kick in, and my freebie Dentist is going to try to get me to pay $150 to "shave down" a chipped tooth. Which I don't care about so long as it's not a health risk, so I'll have to refuse that service from the man who was nice enough to give me a free exam and x-rays.

All other things aside, anxiety is a constant about it. I'm working through it. I have little cave-in moments where I feel like an awful, awful person for leaving for more than two years. I feel guilty for my kitties, my family, and for my friends cos I already know of one wedding that I'm missing! Ay. I have a nightmare at least twice a week that Peace Corps Departing is tomorrow - I have nothing packed, I don't know where to go, I haven't said goodbye to anybody. So I look forward to those increasing in frequency for the next 9+ months. In moments of weakness, what does an Atheistic Pessimist like me tell herself? It's a funny thing - I'm forced to rely on my own strength instead of delegating that out to "God" or "luck." It's all how I look at it, how I attack it, how I cope with it. So it's a soul-making venture, no? I'll keep telling myself that ;)

oh HERE'S the frustration they warned me about...

Allow me to take this time to express my extreme frustration with:

- My stand in Doctor for not having even started the paperwork I gave him a month and a half ago;
- My vision insurance for not kicking in until January first;
- My lack of dental insurance;
- a nameless office that told me it'd be fine if I don't submit my paperwork until July, which I found out is completely untrue. Whoops on their behalf.

and to note that yes, I saw all this coming, however it doesn't make it any easier. These people holding onto all my shit have the potential to keep me from the program I was nominated for if they don't hustle! My goal is to have everything submitted, medically, by February 1st. This means I will have to call the aforementioned Stand In Doctor in a little over a week to remind him that he told me he'd have this shit done within a week. Who even *knows* what my legal clearance will take... All this is a test of how I deal with stress and impatience. Those ARE my middle names, but at least when I'm feeling stressed and impatient in Africa, I'll still be enjoying myself.

I'm starting to feel like September isn't soon enough to get out of all that is "here."

Ring of Fire

Okay, well there's not much going on right now. I've had my first physical and the Dr. I met with seemed to think most of the PC's concerns about my medical shit are pointless. He plans to write a lot of N/As on his paperwork I guess. I may have to go back for a few more tests, like cholesterol, but I've had those tests fairly recently so perhaps not. I'm also waiting for the bill for that physical with baited breath, as my health insurance has already paid for one of those this year. Supposedly though, Peace Corps will reimburse me up to $125 for these costs. I wish they'd pay them up front as I have no money to toss about.
***EDIT ADDITION: I got the bill. $316 due in 15 days. Yeah, Right!!!!!***
For the dental, I'm waiting for Dr. So and So to return to Albany from the middle east. He should be back tomorrow and supposedly will offer free dental exams and xrays to PC applicants.
For the eyes, I'm just hoping I don't get taken for too much of a ride. I have no vision insurance and can sign up for a decent plan but it's not active until 1/1/08 and I don't think PC wants to wait that long. So maybe it won't be worth it to get that coverage.
Otherwise, it's just a matter of wait and see. As the potential departure draws closer, though still quite far off, I already feel myself getting anxious about leaving my friends and family for more than two years. No Shorty to play with, nobody to come home to, none of Mom's cooking, no wasted hours on the internet messing with people for entertainment, nobody a mere phone call away. Sometimes I think what would happen if PC rejects me at the last moment and it's about 10% relief that I won't have to face those fears. Not going would be worse though.

...
Things to eventually be resolved by way of I-have-no-clue:
- find a super great home for my two kitties (temporarily of course)
- pay down credit card balance
- lose approximately 30 pounds. yeah.
- quit smoking
- sell / store all furniture
- sell corolla
- figure out how I'll vote / do my taxes / whatever else while abroad
- convince myself I'll survive 27 months away and WILL be able to secure a worthwhile job upon my return.
- endless elses.

BAM!

Dear Natalie,

It was great meeting you the other day. After careful assessment and consideration, you have been nominated to the following program:

Program: English Teaching
Region: Sub Saharan Africa
Program Info: Post requires that trainees have English degree or Secondary Education degrees or certified in any subject at the secondary level.
Stage Range: September, 2008

Post Interview Musings

Right, so I talked up the interview quite a bit, I figured I owed you all (you one or two) an explanation of what went down.


My recruiter was quite friendly and down to earth, which greatly put me at ease. I always sound a little like a stuttering robot in job interviews, though, and hopefully she just chalked that up to nerves. It was a little weird that it was less like a discussion and more like an interrogation because she would just ask me a question, then type everything I said onto her computer. The silence that ensued between the end of my answer and the beginning of her next question was painful! The questions were what I was told to expect, such as what my motivations for joining PC are, what worries or concerns I have, my experience with leadership, education, inter personal skills, learning a new language. yadda yadda, yadda yadda. I'm sure that's what you all expected, too.


She told me at the end of the interview that by today, Thursday, she should be getting in touch with me about whether / where / what program she is going to nominate me for. I am in F-E-A-R, as this is an essential element to the PC experience. Things on my mind:

• She said that sometimes if a candidate isn't really qualified for anything, PC suggests that they spend a few months volunteering here and there to beef that up. She mentioned that twice. In my mind, that's her feeling like she's grasping at straws to nominate me for anything.


• The second thing is also concerning. However, I think / hope that it's just the "canned" speech we've discussed before. She was super super insistant about my having to be flexible about my placement. I told her "Sub-Saharan Africa, PLEASE!" and while she understood my desire for Africa, she insisted that I could be asked to go anywhere. This is when I mentioned that my departure date is flexible - a couple months in either direction - if that would help to get me into a program I'd be most effective in and excited about.

Argh. I'm hoping she is going to follow through with what she said. Today could be such a great day, or I could spiral into oblivion if I'm not nominated.

Anyways kiddies that's the good word for now. I will, of course, post again once I receive word from my recruiter and react accordingly.

nothing much

There's not really anything new to report. Just that I'm about two weeks away from my interview and I'm totally clueless as to how to repair. I've been through just about every nook and cranny of the PC website and believe that I'm familiar with the application / hiring process. I know from reading PCV blogs and from the PC website what to reasonably expect once I get over there, wherever there is.

As a side note, if any of my readers are in the Albany area, please come to the uptown SUNY campus this Friday, 10/12 at 6pm for a screening I've organized with Invisible Children. You know who they are! They were even on Oprah! We're going to watch the short (45 min) film then discuss the issues and what we can all do to help. There's going to be some really cool merch there too, which I know because they had it all shipped to me at work. So come on out! Business Administration Building, Room #130. It's free, fun, and fabulous and your presence will make me happy!